Chapter
3.03
Saturday, May 18th, 2002
Xander was just about to go for the Doritos family
size bag when he noticed the stoneware dish with its clear wrapping.
Peeling back the plastic, he inhaled the chocolatey scent. Breaking
off a piece from one of the finger-sized blocks, he raised it
tentatively to his mouth. His eyes widened at the moist rich taste
with a faint undercurrent of spiciness. He quickly stuffed the
rest of the brownie into his mouth before looking round guiltily
in case he was discovered.
It wasn't as if he was really having more than
his share of the food, just that it was all in the form of brownies.
Taking the dish with him, he headed toward the yard, where he
found a dark corner and quickly tucked away enough of the chocolate
goodies to still the rumbling in his stomach before spotting an
empty plate. He decided on the grounds of being less conspicuous
to transfer the remaining chocolate fingers.
Well, it seemed like a good idea until he dropped
one. Flicking it guiltily across the grass in Rogue's direction,
he left the stoneware dish lying on the ground. When he straightened
up he had a normal plate, with half a dozen brownies on it. Okay,
so it still looked slightly gluttonish, but if he didn't have
anything else, it was understandable for a growing boy. Guiltily
clearing his throat, he made his way back to where he could see
Anya chatting away to what looked like a Fyarl demon.
"Hey, Giles."
A genuine smile settled on the Englishman's face
at the gentle tones and he turned to enfold Tara in his arms.
"Hello." His gaze was full of concern as he searched
her face. "How are you holding up?"
Tara's gaze flicked to the side, where Lily stood,
before she answered. "A lot better than when we split up before.
Everybody's been really supportive.
Giles, Lily asked if I would introduce you. She
said she wanted to meet William's roomie."
"William's roo- Ah, Spike. You'll forgive me
if it seems unusual to hear him referred to by anything other
than his sobriquet."
Lily shrugged. "Marie and Clem, they call him
Spike. To me, he William, Rosa, he Uncle Will. Is all same. You
watcher like Wesley, no?"
"More of a former watcher, actually. The Council
seemed to regard my departure from Sunnydale as being synonymous
with my resignation. Understandable, really, I suppose. But I'm
surprised you know so much about watchers."
"No so surprising," Lily told him. "Is good to
know who wants dead demon. Even if sometimes reasonable men get
tied up with bad men."
"And you're sure that Wesley and I are 'reasonable'
men?"
Tara's smile gave her face a gentle glow. "Maybe
I should have explained when I made the introductions. Lily is
empathic. If you were harbouring any hostile feelings toward her
guests, she would know about it."
"Empathic?" Giles' face brightened considerably.
"That's fascinating. I'm sorry, but I didn't realise. I'm afraid
I didn't recognise your species. Most remiss of me, I know."
Lily chuckled at his enthusiasm."Lily like...
How William say? Mutt?" She nodded toward Rogue who was licking
at something no one wanted to investigate too closely. "She many
species all in one. Clem he one species more and Rosa she one
more again."
"Rosa?" Giles resonded, obviously surprised. "I thought she was human?"
"Only on mother's side, so we no hold it next
to her." The old demon's eyes twinkled with laughter. "Come, old
legs need chair and old ears no like this boom-boom music."
Tara smiled. "I'm heading for the drinks table.
Can I bring you anything?"
Giles lifted the tumbler of straight tequila
he had poured from one of the bottles Spike had brought, showing
that he was amply catered for. Lily smiled wickedly. "Marie, she
make a mean margarita."
She hooked her arm through Giles' and bustled
him toward the living room. "Is long time since this old demon
have handsome young man on arm."
"And it's a long time since anyone has called
me a young man."
"Pff. You no look older than forty. In home country,
you barely aged for vote. Lily, she drink wine older than you."
Giles blushed under the praise, but smiled just the same. Maybe
this wasn't going to be such a bad evening, after all.
"I don't think I made a very good impression
on your friend the Cat Lady, earlier," Buffy admitted as she balanced
Rosa on her hip to watch Bee enter, still carrying Rupert.
Marie noticed Bee head for where Wes was lurking
in a corner with a plate of food. "Well, if you want a second
attempt, I'm overdue to introduce Wes to my boss. He's only meant
to be popping in for an hour or so to meet Wes before he takes
his wife out to dinner, and his hour must be nearly up. So, if
you can keep an eye on this little terror, while I play the hostess,
I'll re-introduce you to Bee."
Buffy was a little intimidated by what she could
hear of Wes's conversation with the even shorter but distinctly
bustier blonde as they approached.
"I thought that was in Dralius VIII, not
VI but then I haven't read them in years," the blonde chatted
away as if they were discussing what volume of Harry Potter they
crashed Ron's dad's car instead of dusty tomes that Buffy
seemed to recall even Giles had admitted he found difficult to
get through.
"It's quite amazing to find someone outside the
Council who's read them at all, and I don't think I've ever seen
a copy in the original Latin."
"Pops wouldn't buy anything that wasn't in the
original language, if he could help it. He used to say that you
never knew what some idiot could have translated wrongly."
"I quite agree."
Buffy whispered to Marie. "She doesn't look the
bookish type."
Marie smiled. "Bee's a lot more than she seems
at first glance. Her career of choice is as an artist. She's had
two or three shows at your mom's old gallery, as a matter of fact,
but when things are quiet on the art front she falls back on what
her father taught her and gets work as a translator. She minored
in ancient languages but she can speak a bit of at least a dozen
demon languages and she's fluent in another six. So long as she
doesn't lose what she's meant to be translating, she does fine.
She spent a whole day, one time, trying to work out where she'd
left some ancient scroll and then found it in the freezer next
to the Ben and Jerry's. So yep, very bright, but incredibly ditsy
and she dotes on that cat to the point that any sane man runs
a mile within the first two weeks."
"Seriously?"
"Promise. She only looks perfect. Word of warning.
Lesley Anne Ivory is the devil and anyone trying to paint or otherwise
reproduce any artwork, other than photographs, of any feline is
doomed by their human nature to produce a flawed product which
insults said felines."
Buffy looked at Marie in amazement and then thought
of the hideous piece of so-called art that Willow had put up on
the once tasteful walls of her mother's bedroom. Maybe she had
a point, but just the same it did sound a bit extreme. "Again,
I say, seriously?"
Marie nodded and guided Buffy across to meet
the erstwhile artist again. "Bee, I hate to do it, but I need
to borrow Wes and take him to meet Walter before he leaves. Buffy
says you've already met. Maybe you can find something to chat
about for a while."
"That's okay. I was just keeping him warm for
you, and possibly talking my way into being able to make the rent
on time next month, without the letter to Pop."
"Hi." Buffy's gaze slipped to her tan high heels.
"I kinda wanted to apologise if I came across as some sort of...
rhymes with witch." she glanced at Rosa. "I'm not normally like
that, at least not with strangers. It just kinda caught me off-guard
when you said your name was Bee, but that's kind of a long story
and not for small ears, so maybe you'll let me off if I save it
for another time."
"Mommy says little jugs have big ears,"
Rosa pointed out, wiggling hers in a way Buffy found adorable.
"And your mommy's right, but that's not what
Buffy meant," Bee pointed out with a smile. "How about we start
from fresh? I'm Bee."
"And I'm Buffy, nice to meet you. Rosa said the
cutie on your shoulder's called Rupert."
"Hon, can we go sit on that bench over there?
I'm feelin' kinda tired."
"Sweetie, I was in the middle of talking to Kalish
and his wife." She indicated a large demon whose skin reminded
Xander of a grass snake, and his wife who had hidden behind her
husband for almost the entire duration of the discussion. "He
was telling me how he plays the futures market."
"D'you mind?" he asked the couple. "Say, why
don't you two have the bench? I'll take the grass. I bet I can
still sit cross-legged. I used to be able to do the lotus-position
but I'm not so sure on that one any more."
Anya glanced suspiciously from her suddenly affable
husband to the plate he had left sitting on a nearby table. While
her companions were watching Xander she pressed her finger down
on one of the crumbs and transferred it to her mouth, confirming
her suspicions.
"Kalish, I'm really sorry, but I just realised
we haven't said 'hi' to the guest of honour, yet. We really must
go find him."
She looped an arm through Xander's and led him
into the kitchen. "Xander, how many of those brownies did you
eat?"
"Just a few... honest."
"Xander, even when I was human the first time,
I knew if a man put honest at the end of a sentence he was lying.
I know how long a batch of muffins lasts in our apartment, or a
box of doughnuts. How many did you eat?"
"I didn't have all of them. It's just they were
sort of more-ish, and that Fyarl guy he had one when I brought
them out and Dawn's dog had one?"
"You gave one to the dog?"
"Well, more sort of dropped it, but it's just
a brownie. Maybe not best nutritional content, but it's not as
if it's going to hurt."
"It might hurt you, if that dog gets sick in
Spike's car. You do realise that those brownies had marijuana
in?"
"Wh— If they had dope in I'd be stoned."
"Well, gee, I guess it's normal for you to want
to go sleepy-bye at half past eight and for you to treat demons
like real people."
Xander held his hand up in front of his face
and marvelled at how far away his fingers seemed. "Hey, I think
maybe I'm just a teeny bit stoned."
"So I ask again, how many brownies did you have?"
"All of them. Well, except the one that demon
had and the one the dog got." Anya rolled her eyes and dragged
him into the main room behind her.
"Clem, can you baby-sit?" she asked, wrapping
Xander's arm around the demon's shoulders. She spotted a dish
with some familiar looking crumbs on the buffet table and double-checked,
but the crumbs that were all that was left in that dish tasted
of the finest cocoa and nothing more.
"Say, Clem," Xander asked. "Did I ever tell you
about the visions I saw that day me and Anya were meant to get
married? Anya had a daughter and she had ears just like Rosa.
D'you like Anya, Clem? 'Cause it'd be real good to know that if
something happened to me there'd be someone around to look after
her and you seem like a pretty cool sort of guy, I mean demon,
but that's not exactly your fault exactly. It's not like you chose
to be a demon, and you seem like a decent guy, cheating at poker,
not withstanding. So what about it? If I buy it in the next apocalypse,
will you see Anya has everything she needs? I mean. I got
insurance. I got boatloads of insurance so it's not like the cash
thing would be a problem but she needs a good guy to be there
for her. What d'you say, dude?"
"Marie, can we talk for a second?" Anya pulled
the girl away from the group of people including Wes, her boss
and his wife.
"Marie, were you serving dope brownies?" Anya
whispered as soon as they were out of range of the DA's hearing.
"No, well, I mean Bee brought some, but we hid
them in one of the kitchen cupboards where the kids couldn't get
them. Bee might have told a few people where to find them, but
it's not like they were out where people could just eat them without
knowing what they were."
"Not unless they were going through your cupboards
instead of going to the buffet table like any civilised guest.
Yet again, I have to apologise for Xander. I don't suppose you've
got any idea how much might have been in them."
Marie shrugged. "You'd really have to ask Bee.
Is he going to be alright?"
"Not when I finish with him," Anya replied.
"Bee, say someone ate all the brownies that were
in the kitchen cupboard, what's the worst that could happen?"
Anya asked, careful not to word the question so that Rosa would
understand.
"This isn't a rhetorical question, is it?" The
platinum blonde sighed and set Rupert down on the floor.
"Assuming they didn't have any sort of allergic
reaction, they'd probably just sleep for a day or so straight
and then wake up with the mother of all hangovers, but, especially
if they've been mixing it with booze, it's probably best to get
them to throw up as much as possible and then get them home to
sleep it off, but someone's going to have to keep a watch on them
to make sure they don't barf in their sleep or anything and the
allergic reaction, always a possibility. If they have any sort
of problems, you'll have to take them to a hospital."
"And if they gave one to a dog, say?"
Buffy's ears pricked up.
"One the size of the one in the back yard by
any chance?" Bee asked.
"That would be the one."
"You'd probably end up with a very mellow pooch.
There shouldn't be enough in one to have much effect on something
that size, again barring allergic reactions."
Buffy looked at the little girl in her arms.
"Rosa, honey, why don't you go look for your Uncle Will, he must
be in the yard, and tell him I said he should look after you for
a little bit. I think I need to talk to Bee and Anya about grown
up things." As soon as the little girl scooted off through the
kitchen, Buffy turned to Anya. "What exactly has Xander been feeding
to our dog?"
"Marijuana."
"He got our dog stoned! I'm going to kill
him!" Buffy hissed so that her voice wouldn't carry beyond
their circle, forgetting, of course, the sharp hearing of the
various demons in the crowd.
"Right now, I doubt he'd notice. Do you think
Spike would give him a lift home to sleep it off?"
"Once he finds out about Rogue, I sorta doubt
it, but you're in luck seeing as how he gave his car keys to Brandon
for the night. If we're lucky you might be able to get him in
the car before Spike knows anything's going on. Bee, d'you think
you could go fetch Brandon from the back yard? Teen, all in black,
spiked hair, black nail varnish, green eyes."
"I remember. Little sis's boyfriend, right?"
It took about twenty minutes for Anya and Buffy
to get Xander into the car and take him home. Buffy left Anya
preparing a solution of lukewarm water and salt, once they had
managed with the help of slayer strength to get him into bed.
Buffy couldn't quite manage to hold Xander and the clutch purse
where she'd tucked away the orbs at the same time.
"I'll call later, okay, and see if you need anything,"
Buffy offered.
"I'll be fine, but thanks. You best get that
car back before Spike realises it's missing and check on the pooch."
Rupert eyed Rogue disdainfully from just outside
the range of her tether. The big mutt was decidedly less excitable
than earlier and her tail swished softly as the cat moved closer.
After several minutes, the cat finally deigned to come close enough
for canine and feline noses to almost meet. The dog's tail wagged
faster and faster.
Buffy had barely got back to the party, only
to discover the incongruous scene of Rogue and the cat that had
been "rescued" from her curled up in a huge, sleeping ball of
grey and brown fur. She was just making her way over to speak
to Dawn, when Rosa came running up to her. "Auntie Buffy, I checked
everywhere, but I can't find Unker Will. He's not in the yard
or in grandma's apartment or our apartment."
Buffy tried to concentrate on the vampire, willing
him to be nearby. It suddenly struck her with chilling clarity
that the pain in her gut was still a day or two early to be the
onset of PMS.
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