Chapter
3.07
Saturday, May 18th, 2002
Bee gave a sigh of relief when she saw Lily,
Spike and Buffy in the kitchen.
"Spike, you couldn't be a gentleman and
fetch me a stiff drink, could you? That insufferable friend of
yours is driving me to distraction."
"What the hell has Harris done now?"
the vampire asked.
"Not a lot I suspect," Buffy answered,
"given the fact that Brandon took him home while you were
still on walkabout."
"Then who the hell's pissed on your chips?"
Spike turned to Bee.
"Get me a margarita or two and I'll tell
you."
"Alright, pet. I can take a hint... eventually."
As Spike turned to leave, grabbing a tray from
one of the kitchen cupboards before he did, the blonde rummaged
in a small drawstring bag that she carried. Buffy had to smile
at the view through the kitchen window. Brandon and Dawn seemed
to almost teleport to a distance of three feet apart when they
saw who had opened the back door, only to then be ignored by the
vampire. Bee pulled out a silver cigarette case and an ergonomically
curved chrome lighter, which to Buffy's confusion seemed to light
the cigarette without any actual flame.
"Okay, process of elimination..." the
slayer suggested, as she watched Spike load up the tray with half
a dozen glasses of margarita before topping one up with extra
orange liqueur. "It isn't going to be Tara—"
"Tara's an absolute honey. Of course it's not
her. It's that damn English stuffed shirt of a Council lackey."
Buffy's jaw dropped slightly and then she stifled
a smile. "I'm guessing since Wes is still upstairs going beep
beep and otherwise impersonating Mr Toad's motor car that you
must mean Giles."
"Who else? Or are all your friends that rude?"
"We know the culprit, then?" Spike asked as he
rejoined the group, smirking at the sight of the low-hanging cloud
that was rapidly forming around Bee's head as she puffed away
at her cigarette.
"If it wasn't for the fact he would get annoyed,
I'd have to rename Rupert. And I thought the name had a certain
genteel quality to it. Not when it comes attached to that
man, it doesn't. Can you believe he had the nerve to call me a
harridan?" She turned to Buffy. "Do I look like a harridan?"
Buffy's eyes widened as she was caught off-guard.
"Em, well, I'd kind of have to know what the word meant before
I could comment."
Spike passed out the drinks, one each to Buffy
and Lily and two each for him and Bee. "That one's to knock back
and take the edge off, then that one's for sippin' while you cool
off." He indicated the fortified cocktail. "Cheers, kitten."
He raised the first of his tumblers to the small
woman, draining it as she did the same. "And, no, you don't look
like a harridan."
"Thank you." Bee began to mutter under her breath,
but Buffy couldn't catch the words and she began to suspect that
they were, in fact, in at least one of those six demon languages
in which Bee was reputedly fluent. They definitely seemed to cause
a certain amusement on both Spike and Lily's part.
"Keep that up and I'll have to concede
that you might sound like one, though," the vamp commented.
"It's that abysmal excuse for a man. I should
never have even tried to apologise. I mean, it was him who was
rude in the first place. I should just have left it alone. Once
a watcher, always a watcher. It's people like him who can't get
over the fact that Britain doesn't have an Empire any more. If
he thinks he's getting to see my Ruchenbach now, he's sadly mistaken."
"Don't worry, pet. You'll find someone who isn't
just after you for your books... or to cut your hair and then sell
it."
"You're joking...?"
Spike raised an eyebrow. "Have you checked how
much wigs made from real hair go for these days? How soon after
he hacked that little lot off did he wait before he broke the
news?"
Bee gave a snort of triumph. "I split up with
him, actually!"
"Yeah? And why was that?"
"He kicked Rupie."
"And then you dumped him. How long do
you think it would take him to work out that the one thing would
follow straight on from the other?"
"You mean he got me to dump him?"
"Well, it was either him or the cat deliberately
provoked him," Spike responded facetiously.
"Well, Rupert did bolt his food and then he was
ill over his trousers, but I don't care what he says they were
not Armani... and he did like to pee on the Lotus's hubcaps. Poor
Rupie was jealous. Poor little thing." Bee picked up her bag shoving
her cigarettes and lighter back in and bustled out of the kitchen
in search of her beloved Siamese.
The door had barely closed behind her when Spike
let loose a snort of laughter.
"What's so funny?" Buffy asked.
Spike looked at her in amazement. "You really
don't know?"
"No, I really don't know. So why don't you enlighten
the girl on the short bus?"
"Okay, love, think back, 'round about Thanksgiving
1999. Now, does the way she's been banging on about the
watcher remind you of anyone?"
"What? Ewww. No-o-o. That's freaky. She can't
be that much older than me. Eugh."
"Well, what did you say when he was singing earlier
about Red having a thing going on for him at one point? An' be
careful what you say next or you'll bruise my ego."
"But you're..." Buffy paused trying to think of
a word that wasn't going to exacerbate Spike's already inflated
ego. "You don't look like someone's dad?"
"And? I'll bet you a date, where we do anything
you want, that Harris had at least one wet dream about Joyce."
"Get real, Fang Face! Even I'm not going to give
a hormonal teenage Xander the benefit of the doubt on that one,
especially not after that mind-reading, aspect of the demon thing,
but girls are different." Buffy pouted. "How can I have a step-mom
that's young enough to be my sister?"
"You already do, love."
"Ew, Marlene doesn't count. She's just living
with Dad. She's not real family, not like if Giles settled
down to make mini-Gileses."
"We-ll... I hate to point out that a pre-requisite
for mini-Gileses would be that Giles picked someone young enough
to have kids to settle down with."
"Well, Olivia's young enough. if they started
soon... they could..." Buffy's face flushed several cumulatively darker
shades of pink.
"Olivia's also in England, pet. And like Bit
said, Olivia never got him all flustered."
Buffy turned to Lily, who had remained silent
throughout the discussion. "What do you think?"
"I think they would make each other crazy, if
that cat no get him first," the demon answered with a wicked smile.
"I just no know if it good crazy or bad crazy."
Dawn stifled a yawn. "Sorry. I know it's still
earlyish but I'm kinda beat. I guess maybe I should go see if
anybody else is ready to go home."
"Not a problem." Brandon took her hand in his
as they headed toward the door leading to Lily's kitchen, their
pace about as slow as humanly possible without actually being
stationary. "You going to be too busy with all that homework dad
brought over for you to go out tomorrow or not?"
Dawn shrugged. "I haven't actually checked to
see how much there is, or when any of it's due, yet. Maybe I could
give you a call, or you could come over, study together and then
if we get enough done... go out later."
"Your folks won't mind me hanging out?"
"Well, I suspect we'll have to study in the dining
room rather than my bedroom, but as long as assignments are getting
done, Buffy will probably keep Spike in check. And strange as
it might seem, I think they actually like you."
"What makes you think that?"
"Well, so far, I don't think Spike's even really
tried to scare you... well except about the bike and what he'd do
if I got hurt."
"That's okay. He does it anyway without making
an effort."
"Not enough to keep you away, though."
"We-e-ell," Brandon tried to play it cool, but
his eyes gave away the fact he was only teasing. "I've got to
hang in there now at least until I see if this prom dress really
is all that... and I've paid for the tickets and everything, so
I think I might be pushing it to find another date before Friday.
And then if I left you in the lurch, I really would be terrified
of what Spike would do to me. He knows where I live remember."
"So, let me get this right. If we ever break
up, then I get to ditch you, because you're even more scared of
what Spike would do if you ditched me than you are of what he's
like when you're going out with me?"
"Yep!" the boy conceded. "Sad, isn't it? I'm
a pathetic excuse for a boyfriend. Maybe you should trade me in."
"Nah." Dawn leant in towards him, only having
to tilt her head back very slightly to press her lips against
his. "You don't get off that easy." She tugged on his arm until
they were moving again, getting her own back for his earlier teasing.
"I mean, cool bike, which you are going to teach me to
ride. You don't wear clothes that clash with mine. Smart enough
to help out with homework. I think I'm gonna keep you around...
at least until college. Then, I suppose I might give you a few
years off for good behaviour, if you just have to go to
a different one."
Spike could tell from a hundred minute signs
that the pair would have been quite happy to make out for hours.
Not to mention the fact that even if he hadn't been able to hear
everything they said as they approached the door, their teasing
tone would have been ample intimation of how at ease they were
together. Yet, somehow, the vampire managed to convince himself
he didn't need to worry about how Brandon might corrupt his Niblet.
It was only the idea of his beautiful but undeniably clumsy Bit
in charge of a motorbike than was scaring him halfway to a second
death. After all, there's not much scope for misbehaving in hospital
beds.
"Hey," Dawn greeted Lily with a hug as she checked
in with Spike and her sister. "I think all the packing and moving's caught up with me. I was thinking I'd get Brandon to take
me home, if that's okay with you, but I didn't know if anybody
else would want to come, or if you want to stay here or what."
Spike shrugged and raised an eyebrow in Buffy's
direction, as if he wasn't bothered either way, but Buffy knew
his earlier illness had taken its toll on him too.
"Sure. I could use an early night," she covered
for him, only to find his features forming a familiar leer at
the prospect of getting her to himself.
"Why don't you get the pooch and we'll find Tara
and Wes and see what they want to do and then meet you at the
front door?"
"Well, we might as well talk to Tara,
then. Last I saw, her and Bee were making a fuss over the animals
while they talked art. You go see if Wes has made it back downstairs,
yet."
"D'you think we should maybe check how Giles
is getting back to his hotel?" Buffy asked. "I mean he's had a
few drinks and he came with Anya and Xander and they've gone home
already?"
"We all make space if anyone want to stay," Lily
offered. "You tell Rupert that, Bianca, she has extra bed in studio
for her naked people."
"Pardon?" Buffy's expression was nearly as priceless
as Giles' would have been if Spike had followed up word for word
on Lily's shameless suggestion.
"Her models, love. She paints nudes."
All the colour drained away from Buffy's face
in an instant. "Nudes?" She was so going to kill Xander.
When Anya had interrupted Bee and her earlier, Buffy had cut short
Bee's explanation, assuring her that she'd posed for a couple
of artists that her mother knew in LA, making a few extra bucks.
Buffy had thought that Bee was going to warn her about the aches
and pains you got from maintaining one pose for so long. It had
never even crossed her mind that she would want to paint them
nude.
"Oh, crap!"
Spike gave a gentle chuckle. "Been makin' promises
you don't want to keep?"
"Well, I don't know what you're laughing at.
I volunteered both of us."
"Yeah? So I get to be starkers with my
favourite company rather than just watch. Bonus."
"You... are shameless."
"Well, I'd damn well hope so, pet. Otherwise,
I'd be all broody and soul-having like the Poof." He pressed a
kiss to her forehead. "Let's go round up the watchers."
"B— but nude pictures of us... in someone else's
house."
Spike drew her toward the living room, waving
the teens in the direction of the backyard. "Not gonna happen,
beautiful. Not unless you think we should get a print made for
grandpa's Christmas present?"
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