Chapter 1.08
Monday, May 6th, 2002
Buffy was in the middle of a four-way hug with
all her best female friends. Spike seemed to be taking care of
her shiftless absentee father figure for just now and she just
gave herself up to enjoying the moment.
"You're sure this is what you want?" Willow asked,
pulling back slightly from the group hug, the others following
suit shortly after.
Buffy looked over to where her leather-clad partner
spoke on the phone. "Yeah, it took him a while to convince me,
but I guess I'm hooked on the idea now."
"Can I see the ring?" asked Tara and Buffy obliged
holding it out so that both the witches could get a good view.
"I think you need to get that appraised and insured
if those stones are diamonds. Xander spent the equivalent of several
months salary on my ring and my solitaire is only slightly larger
than the centre stone, and it's old, probably even older than
him," Anya commented.
"It's really nice. Is it a family thing or did
he buy it?" asked Tara.
"It belonged to his great-grandmother and then
to his mother, so yeah Anya even older than him," Buffy answered
her friends. "And as far as valuing and insuring from what I've
seen today he probably sorted that out before he broke up the
set. Apparently there's a wedding band to match."
"What's your new name gonna be?" asked Willow.
"I haven't actually worked my way round to finding
out yet. I suppose it'll depend what name he can get documents
under."
Xander stepped forward from where he had been
quietly munching his way through a family sized bag of Doritos
and accompanying jar of dip.
"That does it! Buffy, listen to yourself! You're
talking about getting married to someone and you don't even know
his name. You say he has enough money to live off of and send
you back to college, but it's not that long ago he was stealing
the change from a round of drinks and now he's giving you antique
jewellery. You know where his money comes from. You just don't
want to admit it to yourself. I hope you can live with your conscience
when you're Mrs Doctor."
"Xander, I know-" Buffy stopped mid-sentence
and dropping low swept her right leg in a low semi-circle, the
move being one more typically used by the unsuspecting vampire
on whom she used it. Spike's previous speed worked against him
as his momentum carried him face first toward the floor. In an
instant he was back on his feet, but Buffy blocked his path to
the male Scooby. "Stay put. I can handle this. If you'd hit him
at the speed you were going you would have cracked his skull open
and given yourself a migraine that would last a week."
"It would have been worth it. Human or not I'm
not going to just stand by when some wanker deliberately tries
to make you feel bad about being with me especially when he starts
on the Doctor bullshit."
"I've got it under control, Will. He'll at least
hear me out. You two would just end up in a shouting match at
best,
Xander, Spike isn't the Doctor, in fact looking
back, I'm pretty certain he'd never even heard of the name until
Riley called him it. Whatever we killed in Spike's crypt they
had chitinous armour, a segmented body, crab type legs and they
were quadrupeds. Suvolte don't have chitin they have hide, they're
bipeds and they have hands and feet, so unless they have a very,
very strange development pattern, those things were not suvolte
eggs.
I saw all this with my own eyes, but until I
had a reason to doubt what Riley told me I never even gave a thought
to reviewing what I'd seen, to work out whether it made sense.
I just took everything he said at face value
It's no secret that Riley and Spike have never
been the best of friends. At best Riley was fed some misinformation
which he wanted to believe. At worst he set Spike and me up. Hell,
for all I know Sam said she worked in an infirmary in the Peace
Corp. Maybe Mrs Riley Finn's the Doctor and the whole thing was
just a cover for them to pick up the damn eggs so they could sell
them themselves.
Spike wasn't being entirely honest, but he wouldn't
have ended up in that situation in the first place if it wasn't
for something I did wrong. Maybe if he'd confided in me about
the mess I landed him in at the time, this whole thing could have
been avoided."
"You had enough on your plate, pet. I thought
I could take care of it without you ever having to know."
"Yeah, well, that didn't turn out to be your
best idea, but then I'm in no position to complain.
Anyway, Xander, you already know where a bit
of Spike's money comes from or did you forget all the gold and
gems that were in that crypt along with the gem of Amara. And
as to the rest it's none of your business as long as I know and
it doesn't bother me, which it doesn't."
"Good Godfrey Cambridge!" Xander tried a mental
calculation of the value of the horde and tried to remember the
way back.
Buffy gave Xander a look which clearly indicated
she wasn't finished yet. "And as for his name, "A rose by any
other name would smell as sweet" or however that goes, not that
Spike's a rose more like one of those persistent creeping vines
that gradually takes over the entire garden when you're not looking."
The couple exchanged a look and a smile, each
reaching for the other's hand. "Thanks, pet. I'm going to take
that as a compliment."
"His name isn't what's important, nor is what
he's done in the past. All that matters is who he is today, and
what he does from now on.
If you think that's morally reprehensible then
let me know now before we start trying to work out the seating
plan. This is the man I intend to marry and anyone who feels it's
their right or their duty to undermine our relationship or him
is no true friend of mine. And Xander there's a limit to how often
we can have these conversations."
"Buffy," Anya called. "Giles wants to speak to
you."
Spike walked back over to the table with Buffy,
pulling her down to sit on his lap.
"Hey, Giles. Wanna play dad for a day, huh? Spike's
willing to spring for a couple of return tickets. I don't know
when it'll be yet. I have to find a clergyman who'll agree to
do the ceremony first. I kinda thought I might try that church
where I had the fight with Faith. That big long shady entryway
was cool. Might look good in the photos.
If you came over early you could help me spend
Spike's money. He says I can have anything I want, no expense
spared for my special day. So, will ya, pleeeease? Say you'll
do it?"
"And to think I was worried that Spike might
be taking advantage of you." Giles commented dryly. "If you're
sure that this is what you want, then I'll be proud to give you
away. I can't say that I'm totally surprised.
Did you say you were planning a church wedding?"
"Uh-huh, and I've got to wait till I can see
your face to tell you the rest of what I got him to agree to.
Do you think you'll bring Olivia?"
"I think she might be persuaded especially since
flying coach would seem inappropriate when the theme of the wedding
is no expense spared."
"Definitely inappropriate," confirmed Buffy.
"The pseudo father of the bride is far too dignified a position
to travel coach."
"Wouldn't have wished a flight that long in coach
on my worst enemy even if you hadn't said anything. Besides I
have to keep in your good books in case I have to ask you to be
best man as well," added Spike.
"What?"
Buffy sighed. "Spike doesn't know if the clergyman
will let him have Clem. I mean Spike at least looks human, but
people just don't go for the skin condition line."
"Pardon?" said Giles.
"Ooh! You haven't met Clem, have you? Imagine
Tara had a sex change and got turned into a demon whose skin was
three times her size, now make her bald and a bit more naïve,
even if he does cheat at kitten poker and you sort of have Clem.
He's a sweetie, but as I say Spike doesn't know if the minister
or whatever will agree. I say it would be too squicky for him
to have Angel. I mean he's family but even so. It's awkward enough
that we have to invite him, and if Dawn's chief bridesmaid then
she would refuse to dance with him. So you were the only other
guy he would even consider, but we'll get back to you on that.
If someone's prepared to marry a vampire why should they bother
if the best man's a demon, but I think you might have to sign
the register anyway because I don't think Clem's a legal person."
"Speaking of Dawn how is she taking the news.
I assume she knows."
"She volunteered to help with the planning but
it's just so she can pick her own bridesmaid dress, I think. As
far as Spike moving in with us, she's keen. She's probably loved
him longer than I have. It'll be good."
The bell over the shop door sounded again and
a confused looking delivery boy asked, "anybody here order pizza?"
"That'd be me," Spike pulled some crumpled notes
from his duster pocket, checking the denominations before passing
a suitable amount to the delivery boy, who continued to gaze transfixed
at the shelves of merchandise.
Giles voice sounded from the speaker. "One assumes
that the arrival of food will mean the end of any credible conversation.
Anya, Xander, once again congratulations. Spike, I'll get back
to you or Buffy regarding the matter we discussed. Both of you,
take care of each other and tell Dawn I said hello and good bye
to you all."
There was a veritable chorus of goodbyes before
the connection was cut and the group crowded round the table for
pizza, except for Xander who remained at the counter with his
tortilla chips, away from food potentially touched by dead hands.
"Oops," said Buffy, "did we forget to tell Giles
you guys were back together?" She waved a pizza slice in the general
direction of Willow and Tara.
"Sent him an e-mail Saturday afternoon," the
redhead smiled. "Of course he probably hasn't managed to wrest
it from the infernal dread machine yet."
"Speaking of dread machines, I could use some
help picking one. I know those black ones look nice and I know
what I want it to be able to do but I've no real idea what specs
that means I need. Are you up for taking on the challenge, Red?"
"Sure, the chance to spend someone else's money
on electronics and software, fine by me. But have you got a stable
power supply in the crypt?"
"Right, the power supply shouldn't be a problem,
I'll explain why tonight when Bit's there. I've got to go home
and get changed and then do some shopping once I drop Buffy off
at work but I'll be over at the house later to cook for Dawn and
Buffy. So, if you guys don't mind eating the same stuff I may
as well cook for everybody and we can talk about it then."
"Anya, you're good at identifying demons," Buffy
returned to her earlier subject. "What sort of demon has."
Anya listened to Buffy's demon description. "That's
easy, those are baby Nevlon demons."
Buffy turned between Spike and Anya, "But I thought
you said- thought that Nevlons were basically harmless."
"They are," supplied Anya. "They'll eat carrion,
but as far as live prey goes even a full grown one will only go
for say something like a large rat or small dog at best or worst
if you happen to be a small dog."
"But they swarmed all over me and Riley as soon
as they hatched," Buffy argued. "It was all we could do to get
the little bug. bug-like things off of us and get out in one piece."
"Were either of you actually bitten?"
"No."
"Hmm. It's normal for the mother to carry the
babies round on her back, sort of like the way baby swans sit
on their mother or father or whatever. But they should only do
that if you were producing the right pheromones. If you didn't
know what they were doing you might have thought it was an attack."
"Didn't I tell you you used to have terrible
taste in men?" Spike smirked.
"How do you get from what Anya just said to me
having terrible taste in men?"
"Pet, if you smelled like mommy to those demons
it wasn't from the underwear you'd been wearing at DMP, that just
had the funky burger smell. So, it had to be on that nice black
outfit and I don't think you bought your kevlar breastplate at
K-Mart, did you? He set you up, love. Guess he didn't take the
break-up as well as you thought," Spike reasoned.
"You don't know the half of it. He offered to
kill you. Stood there as if he was doing me a favour. Something
about having completed his mission parameters, but having authorisation
to take the Doctor out and did I want him to do it, implying it
would save me from having to do it myself. The bastard knew you
had nothing to do with it. He knocked you round when you couldn't
defend yourself and then offered to kill you for me, all just
to get his own back at the pair of us."
"Or to cover his own arse if you're right about
him and as I recall he wasn't the only one knockin' me around."
"Shit. I am such an idiot. You were right. I
just assumed you were lying because it was a human telling me
you were."
"That's not true, pet. It's not like I haven't
misled you lot in the past, and if he fooled you it's because
he's trained to be able to fool people. It's not just about human
or demon. I mean you'd take my word over say, Willy's, wouldn't
you? Or Clem's word over almost anybody's provided we're not talking
poker?"
"But I should have been able to tell at the time
you didn't have a clue about the Doctor thing? You didn't, did
you?"
"Not the faintest idea what he was going on about
at all."
"W-Wait you're saying Riley tried to kill Buffy,"
came an almost forlorn voice from the counter as Xander was on
the way to realising that yet another of his heroes had feet of
clay.
"No-o." explained Spike slowly and clearly. "Riley
set it up so that Buffy and him presumably would be swarmed by
a bunch of basically harmless demons. Since she was expecting
something different, something that was lethal the minute they
hatched, panicking and blowing up my home or watching while he
did it isn't really a reaction I can blame her for. At the least
my home was wrecked and Buffy didn't trust me any more so it basically
ended what we had going at the time. At best for him Buffy might
have killed me herself, failing that she might have taken him
up on his offer which no doubt would have given him great personal
satisfaction.
They're free and clear to do whatever they want
because anyone mentions the Doctor and you're all going to blame
me. Sooner or later I wind up dead because the Doctor does something
that pushes the boundary just too far.
Buffy thinks him and his bitch are her bestest
mates so next time there's some nasty whose bit's'll raise a few
bob on the black market running loose in Sunnydale, he can still
get her to go find it and kill it for him. Not a bad little plan.
Bint must have come up with it. Bit too advanced for the tin soldier."
"Just one thing," said Willow. "Why did you have
a bunch of these Nevlon eggs?"
"Nah, wait, before you answer that. Are you saying
Riley's a bad guy?" Xander asked, clearly shaken.
Spike groaned loudly. "Will someone either stake
me, or explain to Special Ed in words he can understand?
Him and his wife are quite possibly the people
who are trading in demons and demon parts.
They set me up to take the blame; incidentally
breaking up my relationship with Buffy and at some point sooner
or later no doubt I would end up dead. In your book that probably
does make them the good guys.
But they were also setting Buffy up to do their
work for them as long as she was useful and when it suited them
they would probably have framed her too. The next slayer might
not have the same personal history with them but hey, if you guys
were still helping out, you'd vouch for him. Tell the new kid
he was a stand-up guy.
I ended up looking after the eggs because the
father, who I happened to know, was supposedly going out of town
for a few days. Buffy sort of killed the mother when she tried
to defend her nest. So I got stuck holding baby.
Notice how the possible outcomes of the little
plot would also appeal to a demon whose mate of seventy years
has just been killed by my girlfriend.
By the way, pet, did you ever remotely consider
telling me Captain Cardboard was married, let alone to someone
who worked in an infirmary."
"Mmm, Nope." Buffy did her I'm cute, don't hurt
me grin, the one that becomes less effective for every year over
the age of five, but still works when used on a totally besotted
male of any species.
"So Riley and his wife are bad guys." Spike resisted
the urge to stand up throwing Buffy off his lap and cheer at Xander's
grasp of the situation.
"I knew that woman was too good to be true,"
said Willow. "Remind me to buy a shovel for the next time Riley
comes to town. Which reminds me, Spike consider yourself hugged.
Congratulations. I hope you'll both be very happy. If you hurt
her, you, can of gasoline and your own Zippo."
"Hey, thanks, Red. At least you're more creative
than most of the people who threaten me."
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