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Chapter 10 - All's Well. (d. The Gang's All Here)
Sunday, May 5th, 2002
Anya was keeping watch for the arrival of the rest of
the Scoobies when she saw Warren, Andrew and Jonathon come into the Bronze.
Xander was sitting with his back to them, for the minute unaware of their
presence. In the interest of cutting down on any injuries that might have
a detrimental effect on her sex life, Anya decided not to say anything
unless they looked like they were going to cause trouble or leave.
"Xander, how soon are you expecting Buffy to get here?
I know you said meet at eight and it's five past now, but when do you
think she'll actually walk through the door?"
"Ahn, she'll get here when she gets here. She probably
just had a problem getting her hair to sit right or something. She'll
be here soon and if she isn't it'll be for a good reason, like she's run
into the Nerd Herd or something."
"Not really the most likely reason for her being late
at the minute."
"Huh?" Seeing his wife's expression, he glanced over his
shoulder in the direction of her gaze.
Warren looked as if he was picking a fight with a guy
the best part of a foot taller than him. Two guys, who looked like they
could play on the same football or basketball team as Warren's target,
moved up behind him.
"It looks like we might not need Buffy after all, hon."
Then he spotted Andrew and Jonathon by the bar. "...But, I think I'll just
go watch the door and make sure we don't have any unscheduled departures."
Warren's voice could be heard over the music in the bar
now. "You heard me, meathead. Take a walk." Warren started to turn toward
the jock's girlfriend, ignoring him and his friends.
The jock shouted a threat in response before trying to
yank Warren away from his girlfriend, but however hard he tried Warren
didn't move a fraction of an inch.
"This isn't high school." Warren landed a blow on the
youth's chest using the palm of his hand and the jock flew backwards across
the room, landing in a heap at least ten feet away. Xander watched bemused
until he realised what was happening. Warren had obviously built a robot
which looked like him, so that it could come here and create an alibi
while he was off on some nefarious mission... But were Jonathon and the
other one robots too?
"Only one way to find out." Xander walked up behind Jonathon
and tapped him on the shoulder. When the diminutive geek turned round
Xander sucker-punched him square in the jaw. Jonathon folded quicker than
the machinery at a commercial laundry, leaving Xander facing a very nervous
Andrew who was holding onto his cocktail glass with both hands.
"Hey, you're not just meant to hit us like that. You're
meant to be one of the good guys."
"You know that would have bothered me too, if it weren't
for the fact that you kidnapped one of my best friends and turned the
other one invisible before you tried to frame her for murder and finally
poison her. Now, I just don't give a damn."
Xander hauled his arm back to deliver the killer blow
on the blonde, but he felt his elbow being squeezed in a vice-like grip. Then,
a familiar English accent made itself heard.
"You really should let him go," Spike informed someone. "It would be awfully bad
manners to damage the groom before the honeymoon's over."
"Yeah," cut in Buffy, "and you don't want to make the
bride angry."
Xander felt the hold on his arm loosen and turned to
see Warren standing between Spike and the slayer. Deciding that the robot
was in for an ass-kicking, Xander turned to resume his discussion with
Andrew, only to find he was making a hasty retreat towards the door... Or
he was, until Dawn kicked him in that place where Spike had trained her
to kick any guy who was doing something she didn't like. It seemed that she definitely
didn't like the idea of him getting away.
"Slayer," Warren almost hissed as he turned to face Buffy, turning his back
on Spike in the process. "Fancy meeting you here and all prettied up in
your party clothes."
Spike grasped the collar of Warren's jacket in both hands.
"You too," the vampire replied, "but brown just isn't your colour." He yanked his
hands apart, ripping the jacket off the head geek's back in shreds as
the material was caught in a tug of war between two beings with superhuman
strength. "...Or anybody's colour for that matter."
Buffy was quick to take advantage of the distraction
caused by Warren's unwilling strip tease, landing a forward kick to his
jaw and following up with a palm strike to his nose and an elbow strike
near his eye. "You know, Spike, just because brown's a bit pedestrian
doesn't mean it doesn't suit some people." The pair continued to circle
around the geek, using fluid motions practised and honed over months of
patrolling.
"You think so, pet? Oscar Wilde said, 'One should be
a work of art, or wear a work of art.' Warren, here, just doesn't qualify
on either count. I can't help thinking that he must have no self-image
at all to want to dress up to look like a three-week old turd... But that's
just my opinion." Staying at Warren's back, Spike drew something from
his pocket and Buffy heard the click as a slim, narrow blade clicked into
position ready for use.
She smiled, knowing Spike had found what he was looking
for. "Okay, you're right, but now you made it so we can see more of the
shirt. Can we say lost in the seventies? Or is it more sixties? Your call,
Spike, you were there." Buffy feinted with a palm strike and then brought
her leg arcing round in a graceful roundhouse connecting with her opponent's
temple.
"Is that all you've got, slayer? And what's with the
fashion commentary?" Warren didn't even have to steady himself. He just
continued to turn to face Buffy's attacks. He seemed to think he was immune
to anything Spike or anyone else might do. He simply kept watching for an
opportunity to go on the offensive, finally trying to land a punch on
the slayer, but she twisted to one side, letting it go past with minimal
effort.
"I'd say seventies, love." Spikes left hand moved across
from right to left in a horizontal slashing move and Buffy caught the
glint of metal in his hand at the end of the stroke before the blade retracted
back into the handle. His right hand grabbed at the middle of Warren's
back, pushing him forward. As he began to overbalance. the geek reached
behind his back and Buffy stepped to one side so that as he fell over
next to her she could grab the hand, dislocating his shoulder as he fell
the rest of the way to the floor. Xander missed that part though because
he was too busy watching the lilac glow that briefly flared from Spike's
eyes.
The vampire wasted no time forcing the nerd to admit
defeat. "You managing okay there, Warren? It must hurt like hell to go
back to being you when for ten minutes you actually had a pair."
"Warren's not a robot?" Xander asked confusedly.
Anya
appeared next to her spouse. "Are you okay, sugar bun?"
"No..." answered Buffy. "Warren's not a robot, and Spike
can we find out where the others are before you do the gloating?"
"I got one." Dawn's voice carried across the room and
she pointed down to where Andrew was still writhing on the floor in agony.
Her sister glared at her, obviously displeased at her participation in
events.
"Wha-a-t? He's just a geek. Even I can take out a geek. It's not
like he's dangerous or anything."
"Jonathon's over here." Xander indicated the form slumped
at his feet.
"Buffy?" The slayer turned to see what was troubling
the vampire. "Now that we actually have these guys here, what exactly are
we planning on doing with them?"
Frustrated, the slayer stamped her foot. "I don't know.
I wish the police would just turn up with all the evidence they need to
convict them of everything they've done, but so far they're oblivious
and I don't know what we can do about them. Maybe those guys could press
assault charges."
"Doubt it, pet. They're never going to stand up in court
and admit to being thrown round the room by someone that much smaller
than them."
Xander reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out what
he found there. "Just this once, Ahn." He pressed it into her hand.
Anya made her way to the ladies toilets and locked herself
in an empty cubicle. She looked down at her necklace and put it on. "Done,"
she said. For an instant her face changed and then she took the necklace
back off, returning to her husband's side and slipping it back into his
pocket.
Buffy and Spike were still arguing about what to do with
the three of them, Spike being in favour of Buffy pounding them into enough
of a pulp that they wouldn't dare try anything in her town ever again.
Since Buffy didn't really go along with that plan, the argument was fairly
pointless. Dawn, meanwhile, was making sure that Andrew wasn't faking
his disability, using the simple expedient of administering further forceful
kicks every couple of minutes. Jonathon still didn't seem to have come
to but Xander was keeping a watch on him just in case, while Tara and
Willow did the same for Warren.
This was the point where a dozen police came through
the door, brandishing arrest warrants.
"Catch!"
Xander caught the leather pouch Spike threw
at him as if it were a bomb.
"Call it a wedding present," the vampire added.
"What, how, what, why?"
"What is it? The orbs of Nezzla Khan. How did we know
you were married? Tara did a location spell when you both disappeared.
Once we knew you were both in Vegas the rest was pretty easy to work out.
What do they do? They're what made Warren super strong and why give them
to you? 'Cause I reckon it must be pretty hard to be the only guy around
who hasn't got some sort of edge. And because they might help keep you
alive and healthy and I've got at least one friend who has a vested interest
in making sure you stay that way." He smiled at Anya who grinned happily
back.
"So you knew Warren was human but you still got in a
fight with him? You drew a knife on him? You would be locked up too if
it wasn't for the discretionary blindness of the population of Sunnydale."
"Yeah, that's the risks you have to take."
"Your chip could have gone off."
"There was never any intention to hurt him, just strip
him down till we could get at his balls. The only way it would go off
was if I hurt him by accident and those things might make you strong but
they won't make you quick and they don't give you any fighting ability.
If you're slow and your two opponents are quicker and they're trained
and you're not... Besides I'm not sure someone using them would still
detect as human."
"Just the same they could have thrown your ass in jail,
south facing window."
"They'd have to catch me and hold me first."
"Between twelve of them when you can't hurt them... I wouldn't
be betting on those odds."
"In that case I'll make it real simple for you. Until
we got those orbs off him, Buffy was potentially out-classed. She needed
back-up, so I was there. As far as consequences go, I don't give a shit.
Every time she needs help and I can help, I will be there."
"Hey," the slayer interrupted before the bickering could
turn into a fully-fledged argument. "You don't have time to argue," she
told the vampire. "You've got four thirsty women, waiting for you to buy
them a drink and, then, I seem to recall a promise involving the dance-floor."
"Your wish is my command." Spike turned to Anya. "Congratulations,
kitten. I'm happy that you're happy."
"Did Buffy just ask Evil Dead to dance?" Xander asked his wife in a whispered aside.
"She just asked Spike or, more correctly, reminded him
of a previous promise, but it looks to me from the way they're holding
hands like she's decided he's not evil any more."
"What? Not again... She can't make us go through that again." Xander began but his wife didn't let him get too far.
"Xander, she was the other half of Spike's wish. If they're
together now, it's because she's following her heart. Can you sit here
the day after we got married and say that you would deny your best friend
the same opportunity you got?" Anya continued although Xander seemed determined to stare at his drink rather than look her in the eye. She knew he heard her though. He might not be listening to her yet, but so long as he heard for now he might eventually reflect on her words. "She might be making a mistake. Personally,
I don't think so, but either way it isn't your place to interfere. It's
her choice and she knows him better than you do. You only have to see
them fight together to know that. They fight like it's a dance or like
they can read each others minds. Trust her, Xander. If you try to interfere,
the relationship that will suffer most is the friendship between you and
her... I know. I've seen these sort of cases. I remember, one time back
in the sixteen hundreds..." | 
