Disclaimer:
Dear Spike,
Thanks for your letter.
Don't get to hear much of anything in here. Can't say that
I've heard anything before now about everybody being owned
by this guy Joss and all those companies, but I'll take
your word for it. It explains a lot.
I guess your plan might
work and if you're right about swinging an early release
then I'll be five by five. One question, how do I actually
hook up with this guy? It's not like I can catch up with
him while he takes a stroll in the park.
Way to go on getting
B to give it up. Didn't think she had it in her to go for
a bad boy like you, let alone keep him. But then maybe I
should have known that a guy like you wouldn't let that
little speech B made in the Bronze go unanswered for too
long. That was quite the challenge to any red-blooded male,
wasn't it? Who'd have thought sweet innocent little B even
knew words like that?
But see, the thing is,
the body might have been B's but I was the one in charge
or had you already compared notes and figured that one out.
I must say I kinda wish I'd tried a night with you instead
of soldier boy. Less potential to annoy B at the time, but
I lay odds it would have been a night to remember. Speaking
of which I hope I haven't ruined one of your favourite memories.
Bye for now
Faith
Chapter 11
"Are we sitting comfortably, kiddies? Then
we'll begin." Spike's parody of a 1970's British children's
program was lost on the Slayer. He turned the key in the
ignition and set off. "Once upon a time, in a land far away,
lived an Evil Soulless Vampire and his beautiful Dark Princess."
"Spike, I want to know what's going on
now, not a hundred years ago."
"Yeah, but to get you to understand what's
happening now, I have to tell you how it started, and that
was back in Prague before I ever met you. You have to understand
that back then I'd have done anything for her. She." Spike
was lost for words, but his eyes gleamed with tenderness
and regret as he thought of his ex-lover. "Well, I know
that you believe that you need a soul to love someone, but
me and Dru, we had something together that I just can't
explain to you."
"Spike. I don't believe that any more.about
a soul." If Buffy had thought she was jealous of the girl
at the wedding, when she saw the look in his eyes as he
thought of Drusilla, she felt a cold gnawing in her stomach
that was almost physical.
"Well. Good. 'Cos it was never true, but
if you don't let me just get this all out. then I guess
you'll still be sitting here tomorrow instead of back home
with the Li'l Bit, so you're just going to have to listen.
It was in Prague, about five years ago."
"So we come to Sunnydale, and I forget
all about the contract until some lawyer turns up at my
door last week. I wanted to tell you about it, love, but
I didn't dare. See, I knew if I told you, you would destroy
the eggs and to keep my end of the contract I was supposed
to protect them. But when you asked me about the Doctor,
I honestly hadn't the least clue what you were talking about.
I mean I was literally praying the whole time that you were
working up to asking about him that you weren't going to
ask about the eggs, maybe it would have been better if you
had. I honestly don't know if I could have lied to you about
having them. I mean when the Boy Scout came in, it turned
into a pissing contest and no way was I going to back down
in front of him, but if you'd asked me I don't know."
"Look, I can see you felt you had an obligation,
but didn't you feel like what you were doing was wrong."
"You mean did I feel guilty about doing
it? No, I can't honestly say that I did. But it hurt. The
idea that I was doing something that might mean I lost you,
or even if I didn't lose you that you'd be disappointed
in me. It hurt."
"Then why?"
"Well for one thing, when I signed that
contract I gave my word, but if that had been all, I think
I might still have told you, but just made sure you had
to kick my butt to get at them. I know that sounds stupid,
but hey, you think I am anyway. Stupid, incompetent Spike,
so what's new? No, the problem was the little clause they
put in, just in case by the time they want to pick up the
contract, you might have changed your mind. I'll be honest
I don't know whether or not the contract itself was magical.
As long as there was a chance that it might be, then I didn't
dare do anything but what they wanted me to do."
"So what was in this clause, were they
going to kill Drusilla?"
"No, and I can't say what my reaction would
have been if they had been going to. No, they'd been checking
up, they knew what had been happening over the summer, Buffy,
and they had photographs of the two of us together. They
said if I didn't do what they wanted then- actually, they
made a point of not saying, but they implied that if I didn't
co-operate, then you and Dawn and Tara would die." Buffy
looked as if she might interrupt, but he quickly continued
before she could say anything.
Look, I don't blame you if you don't believe
me, because even to me it sounds like it could all just
be made up to cover my own arse, and I reckon if you actually
trusted me you would never have gone downstairs with Soldier
Boy not to mention coming up with a better reason for it
not to be me than the fact you thought I was incompetent.
By the way that hurt the first time round when you said
it and repeating it didn't make it any better. Sure Finn-boy
has to convince himself that I'm some sort of subhuman,
because if I'm a person then it's him and his precious Maggie
Walsh that are the monsters. I never expected any better
of him. You, I thought, understood me a bit better than
that, but as soon as he showed up you were just plain ashamed
to be with me, so I guess you don't. A recent acquaintance
of mine said I should tell you something. I can't remember
exactly how he put it, but the gist of it is, the more I'm
treated like a monster the more likely I am to act like
one and the more I'm treated like a man the more likely
I am to act like one. Anyway, pet, I want you to think about
this. If I didn't do it for the reasons I just said, then
why would I do it?"
"I don't know. Money? Prestige?"
"Money. When have you ever seen me worry
about money as long as I had enough for blood, smokes and
booze and that much I can hustle at a pool table or a card
game, most of the time. Truth be told, if you would have
let me, love, I could have got enough money for that album
collection to keep you out of that grease-pit you work in
for at least a year. There's no point having a bigger place
or flasher gear, 'cos then its just an invite to others
to come take it. I mean fine having something the size of
the factory when you've got about twenty minions to patrol
it and keep out unwelcome visitors, but it's no good when
you're on your own. As to prestige, it's only wankers like
Harris and Finn who don't realise who they're dealing with.
I may have changed sides and I may get called a traitor
to my kind behind my back, but there still aren't that many
demons or whatever who'll willingly take me on face to face.
That's all the rep I care about.
And here's another thought for you, if
I had had any idea as to how soon those things were due
to hatch and how dangerous they were, do you think I would
have had you anywhere near them, let alone both of us asleep
and bollock naked? However much I might have thought I'd
enjoy sticking it in your ex's face. not that I even knew
he was back in town.
Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself, because
as far as I knew at that point, someone was supposed to
be collecting the eggs before they hatched and I was led
to believe the incubation period was several times longer
than it really was. So for all I knew, you and your friend
had just signed yours, Dawn's and Tara's death warrants
and there wasn't anything much I could do about it, except
try and find out who's actually behind it all and stop them.
So when I saw you I'd just gone back to see if I could find
that wanker's business card, so that I could find out what
the position was. Unfortunately it turned out that he's
actually English, so at the minute I'm still waiting for
a passport and stuff so I can go over there, and I'm still
waiting to see if I'm going to be able to get rid of this
chip so I can kick some butt, when I get there." He tried
to watch Buffy's reaction to this bit of news, but in the
dimly lit car interior, when he had to watch the road, he
couldn't tell. "Other than that, there was a clause within
the contract that was supposed to limit the risks that I
could be asked to take. Basically, it's to avoid someone
being able to force the person signing the contract into
doing something suicidal. So, when I found out how dangerous
those things were I had the contract declared void."
"Why didn't you tell me, if you thought
we were in danger?"
"You wouldn't have believed me. As soon
as the corn fed country boy called me Doctor, you didn't
believe another word that came out of my mouth. As soon
as he walked through that door everything he said was white
and everything I said was black. Besides, if it was magic
what could you do about it, and if it was physical you could
cope with it anyway. As it was by the first night, I was
pretty sure you were in the clear as long as you weren't
with me."
"So why the sudden rush to get out of town?"
"Well, I figured that whoever had set this
up, they want me dead, but they want it to look sort of
like an accident. They seemed to want to discredit me. If
you'd come round the next morning instead of being there
at the time, and found whatever was left of me and all the
empty eggs. You would just have called me a stupid twat
and no more would have been said. Nothing I'd done for the
last year would have mattered worth a damn to anybody but
Dawn and you would all just say, oh he was bound to revert
to type some day, and trust the incompetent bastard to cock
it up.
I thought if they were going to try something
else then it would take them a while to set it up. Seems
like they got a bit impatient." He reached into his jeans
pocket, pulling out the ring and tossing it to Buffy. "I
took that off that Pavro last night."
She caught the ring and turned it so that
she could see the device on it. "The Order of Taraka"
"Yep, which means they're not going to
stop coming, and unless I get this chip out, when the one
that finds me happens to be human, I'm dust."
"Where are we going, anyway?"
"Well, I originally thought Disneyland,
but then I realised I was a bit short on gas money, so I
guess it'll have to be Vegas." He smirked. "Don't suppose
I can talk you into visiting one of the wedding chapels?
It could be a dying man's last request."
"You're too late by more than a century."
"Can't blame me for trying. And now to
save embarrassment and change the subject get my coat out
the back and get the stuff out of the inside pocket."
Buffy reached over pulling out an envelope
and a small box covered in rather worn gift-wrap.
"Leave the box for just now. You can take
it with you when you go. The envelope's from Angel. He had
some news he didn't think he should tell you over the phone,
but he's just been too busy to make the trip in person.
If you think that it wasn't right that he put it in a letter,
then sorry that was my suggestion, but I didn't think it
was right that I knew and you didn't and it wasn't my place
to tell you either, so..."
Buffy held the envelope as if it were a
poisonous snake. "Can't you just tell me what's in it?"
"I could, but I find I'm surprised to say,
that I don't want to muck it up. I don't think it's bad
news, not really once you get used to the idea. I would
just put my big foot in it."
Buffy began to open the letter, and Spike
pulled the car over to the edge of the road, so that he
could devote his full attention to her. As she read the
letter he could see her eyes well up, but also she wore
a half-smile. When she had finished she looked across at
Spike. "He's happy?" she asked in a subdued voice.
"Yeah, happier than I ever thought I'd
see him. He even stops brooding for whole hours at a time,
but it's going to be tough, the kid comes with some prophecy
attached. He's goin' to have his work cut out lookin' after
'im."
"I always thought, that if one of us had
a kid it would be with the other."
"I know, pet, but he chose a different
road, and it's brought him happiness. I know you're sad
for what might have been, but you love him, so it's got
to be good that he's happy. I mean that's all any of us
really want for the people we love." He held her face in
his hands, and used his thumbs to stroke away the tears
that had finally overflowed onto her cheeks. He wished they
were in the de Soto with its single front seat where he
could have just slid along and put his arms around her.
Then he thought it was just as well that they weren't, because
maybe that would just be too close and she would push him
away. Her tears slowed and he softly released her face.
"You're right. I'm glad he's happy. or
at least I will be." She took a few seconds to regain her
composure, and then she gave him a determined smile
"Okay, so what's in the box? It's looking
like it's in a fairly sorry state."
"Yeah, well, its been travelling around
in my duster for a month and a bit, nearly two months now.
It's your birthday present. I couldn't give it to you in
front of anyone else, and I wasn't sure if you'd accept
it anyway, and it's probably too old fashioned. I don't
know. I spent too long where the only person I ever bought
anything for was well. Dru and I don't think you'd like
the sort of things she did. So I'm a bit out of practice,
but I wanted you to have it in case, well in case it gets
dusted."
"Can I open it now?"
"Well, yeah, it's not like I can say you've
got to wait for the big day to open it."
She pulled the rather bedraggled wrapping
paper off the outside, to reveal a pale blue box synonymous
with one of the world's leading jewellery stores. "I took
out a post office box and sent away for it from their catalogue."
"Spike, you can't—"
"Yes, Slayer, I can. I want you to have
it."
She opened up the box. Inside was a white
gold oval locket, about one and a half inches high and an
inch across. The chain was quite thick, but made of thousands
of small delicate links. The front of the locket was bare
of any design, just a simple high gloss finish. She gently
pulled it from the box and opened it, finding the two picture
slots already filled. One side had a photograph of her mother,
and the other side had one of Dawn. She turned it over in
her hand and saw an inscription on the back in an elegantly
flowing script. It said simply, "With love, W."
"Anyway, it's engraved so no-one else'll
want it and I refuse to take it back."
The tears from which she had only just
recovered flooded back again, but this time they were tears
of happiness. "It's beautiful. William." She leaned forward
and kissed him gently on the lips. For a second or two,
he was stunned and didn't respond and then ever so softly
he kissed her back, nibbling at her lower lip before deepening
the kiss and slowly exploring her mouth with his tongue.
He lingered savouring the tender moment, only breaking away
when his jeans began to feel uncomfortably tight. He could
tell from her pulse and the way her skin was flushed that
she was similarly aroused, but he knew that he had to play
this very carefully. He wanted to be totally certain that
Buffy would have no recriminations about anything they did
at a later date.
He smirked, trying to dispel the sexual
tension that had built up between them. "I take it that
means I did better than last year."
"Well, duh, you never gave me anything
last year." He took the necklace from her and she turned
away from him so that he could put it on for her.
"That doesn't mean, I didn't buy you anything.
I got this fancy box of chocolates, but then by the time
I'd practised giving them to you and imagined you laughing
at me or refusing to speak to me and I threw them round
the room in a strop, they were, the worse for wear shall
we say. Then when I went to the house I met Niblet before
I got to the door and she pretty much convinced me it was
best just not to go in, that the box was too mangled to
give to anyone and chocolates were lame anyway." As he spoke
he fastened the locket around her neck, both of them intensely
aware when his fingertips brushed the nape of her neck,
and when he brushed away her hair from underneath the chain.
She turned back to face him and he couldn't resist planting
a chaste kiss on her forehead.
"My sister didn't by any chance end up
eating those chocolates, did she?"
"Only half of them." He smiled his lop-sided
smile at her. He looked at the lightening sky. "I think
we've just got time to share that thermos you brought with
you before I have to curl up in the back."
"Spike, aren't you worried about getting
the chip taken out?" Buffy returned the conversation to
a topic that had obviously been lingering in the back of
her mind. She poured the hot chocolate into the cup that
came with the flask, adding marshmallows before passing
it to Spike for the first drink.
"Well, I can't say I haven't got a few
nerves, but as long as the neurologist is okay about going
ahead after he does the initial exam, I think the odds are
in my favour."
"You're confident. you won't fall off the
wagon?"
"Yeah, now I am." Spike explained about
how when he thought the chip was broken, he'd tried to feed,
and what Lorne had said to him about that. "See, pet, as
long as I thought I was only doing it so that you could
care about me, it was easy when you called me names to just
act like a monster because it seemed like I would never
be good enough for you no matter what I did. Once Lorne
got me to realise that I wanted to change for me as well,
then I knew if I slipped I'd be letting myself down.
And whatever happens, it's set up so that
if things go wrong, you won't have to do with me what you
did with Angel. If there's a problem, it'll be dealt with
before I. I won't leave the city where I'm having the operation
done."
"Spike, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that if I can't control the
bloodlust when I come out of the operation there will be
someone there to stake me, or behead me, whatever, though
I must admit I don't fancy being set on fire."
"Hey! Don't I get any say in this? What
happens, do I just get a little message to say "He's Dust",
or do I just not hear anything at all?"
"It's not going to come to that. It'll
be fine. I just wanted to make sure that whatever happened
you and Bit were safe."
"Spike, I can't let you do it alone. If
anything went wrong and I lost you, I don't know what I'd
do. I don't know if we can be together, but I don't want
to think about you not being around somewhere."
"Shh, pet, I know you're worried because
of what happened with your mum, and that's only natural,
but blood-clots and things like that aren't going to slow
me down. It'll all be fine and you've got things to do that
have to come higher on your list of priorities than me.
You've got to get back to look after Dawn."
Spike passed the cup back to Buffy and
undoing his seat belt he climbed into the back seat of the
car. He pulled a piece of paper from the pocket of his jeans,
along with a couple of rumpled hundred dollar bills. "There's
a shopping list, and that's the last of the cash I had on
me. Do you have your bank stuff with you, cards, cheque
book, whatever?" Buffy nodded. "Right, I'm going to get
some kip. If we come to a mall or something that isn't all
glass and has some nice dark parking area directly attached
to it let me know and I'll give you a hand carrying the
stuff, otherwise you're on your own. What I really need
though is somewhere with Internet access. Bollocks! You
stupid wanker! Buffy, does Willow have class this morning?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Right then, wake me up when it's a civilised
time to ring her then." He pulled the blankets over his
lower half, and his duster over his head. Buffy found it
unnerved her that her normally lively companion looked like
so much luggage. She scooted across and took the driver's
seat. Checking her rear view mirror before pulling out she
decided it was even more disconcerting when he was "gone".
It was quite a few hours later that the
pair made preparations to part. Buffy had picked up all
the things on Spike's shopping list, so that now he had
all the necessary supplies for his trip. She had been rather
shocked when Spike arranged for Willow to transfer a large
sum of money into her bank account. That had started the
argument.
"How much money did you just put into my
bank account?"
"Enough to buy a decent car, that they
should find it difficult to trace and keep me in blood,
smokes, booze, petrol and hotel rooms and airline tickets
for a few weeks."
"And you just happen to have that much
sitting around in a bank account doing nothing?"
"Yeah, it's called an emergency fund. This
seemed like an emergency."
"But you let me think you were destitute?
You had loan sharks chasing you. Why didn't you tell me
you had thousands of dollars sitting round in an account
doing nothing?"
"One If I kept dipping into my capital
for no reason I soon would be, and as I recall I told you
to leave that grotty burger joint, that if you needed money
I would get it for you. Two. Sharkey was after kittens not
money. Three. I really didn't want to have the argument
we're about to have."
"Where does it come from?"
If he hadn't been hidden underneath a heap
of duster and blankets, he would probably just have raised
an eyebrow and given her the look, as it was his slightly
muffled and none too diplomatic response was, "Where the
hell do you think it came from, you stupid bint?"
Comprehension finally dawned on the slayer.
It was blood money. It was the cash, the jewellery, the
valuables from over a century of victims. If she had but
known, there was even rental income on the occasional property
that he'd been lucky enough to find the deeds for, all handled
through letting agents and a certain firm of London solicitors.
In his day, Spike had taken great delight in preying on
those belonging to the middle and upper classes. He had
exacted vengeance for all the slights he had suffered during
his time spent on the fringes of polite society. "Ewwh,
and this was the money you offered me. You put this money
in my bank account."
"No, I already told you, I would have sold
off the albums if you'd have taken anything off me. I didn't
expect you to take anything from there. And, yes, I put
it in your bank account. Since I gave you all the cash I
had on me, I can't go back to the crypt to get what I need
to physically make a withdrawal and what I'd need is still
a bit buried, I didn't really have any other options. And
before your little brain starts working overtime about that
necklace, you can ask Harris how much I've won off him playing
pool lately and then multiply it by five or six to account
for what I take off some of those snotty students with more
money than sense. I know you wouldn't touch that money and
I wouldn't give you a gift that had been bought with it,
okay."
"I can't have this money sitting in my
account."
"So go buy a car and cash a cheque for
whatever is left over."
"It's not that simple."
"Yes, it is. You said you wanted to help.
That's the help I need. If I have to hustle pool or play
poker to make enough for somewhere to sleep tonight, then
I'm hardly going to be making myself inconspicuous and in
Vegas I've got as good a chance of ending up with nothing
as something. If you start getting all conscientious and
write a cheque out to some charity or other then you have
to be prepared to accept the possible consequences."
"Why did you have to put me in this position?"
"Because I was all out of options, love."
"So how do we sort out this car thing?"
Finally, another car, considerably newer
and more reliable but with far less character than the de
Soto had been purchased. Its windows were painted out though
the tinted glass helped to disguise this modification. Spike's
hair had been temporarily dyed a shade of brown, which matched
his eyebrows, but was considerably darker than his natural
colour. His duster and the second cell-phone were safely
stowed away in the SUV ready to be returned to Dawn. All
the items from his shopping list had been put in the new
car, and he had a considerable bundle of cash. He planned
to spend the rest of the day in a motel room he'd rented
then head off again a little after dusk moving from city
to city until it was time to head to LA for his doctor's
appointment.
All that remained was to say goodbye to
Buffy.
"I'm sorry about the money, love."
"Not sorry enough to give it away."
"No, not that sorry. Every so often something
like this'll happen and I prefer to have something to fall
back on. Giving the money away now isn't going to bring
back the people it came from, but I am sorry that it upset
you.
I'm not Angel, pet. I'm not lookin' to
find redemption. I won't feed on people any more because
I don't want to be responsible for making any more people
grieve. It isn't to do with paying for past sins. There
are way too many and it can't be done. I'm not going to
beat myself up because I acted like what I am. I mean I'm
happy with who I am now, but I know I can't undo what happened
before, and if I start giving away the money it's like I'm
pretending that I can. Can you understand that?"
"I think so, but I don't agree with it."
"I didn't expect you to, but as long as
you understand, it's something. At least it's out in the
open now, no more dirty secrets or none that I can remember."
He smiled his lop-sided half smile at her.
"Here I want you to take these." He handed
her the keys to the de Soto. "If I don't make it back be
good to her. Maybe Bit might have her when she's old enough,
but get someone to check her over before you do anything
with her just in case she's been tampered with. The pink
slip's in the crypt somewhere unless it's trashed."
Buffy nodded, as if a verbal response would
give credence to the possibility of his death. She couldn't
bear to believe that she might never see him again.
He produced another key. "It's sort of
old-fashioned, but I'd like to write to you. I don't doubt
they're capable of going through your mail box, but that's
the key for the box I rented, if that's okay with you. I
mean, if you haven't decided that you. if you still might
be prepared to give things a chance." His sigh betrayed
his frustration. "God, I'm arsing this up!"
She looked up into his face, the brown
curls framing it so different, but all else familiar and
as beautiful as one of the heavenly host. "Whoever gave
Angel his vampire name didn't know he'd eventually have
to compare with Spike." She reached out and gently placed
her hand on his lips, stilling any further outbursts.
"You're doing fine. Write to me. I want
you to, but what I really want is for you to come back.
Come back to me. Come back and we can start again." Her
hand dropped to his shoulder and she stood on tiptoe to
kiss him. It was a gentle kiss to begin with, but his arms
drew her against his body and gentleness gave way to a desperate
need. They clung together until Buffy had to pull back for
air, but it wasn't desire that was chief amongst either
of their emotions but sadness, knowing they might never
get the second chance they had promised themselves.
"Tell Bit I love her." They stood forehead
to forehead, her arms around his neck, his hands clasped
at the small of her back. ".and I was supposed to see Clem
at the end of the week. If you could let him know I had
to change my plans, and he can have the kittens and the
beer when I get back, but it's best if he stays away from
the crypt.
Tell Anya I said I was sorry, and I wish
I could be there for her. Glinda, well, tell her I said
thanks, just for bein' her. And tell the old Watcher it
might not have been too bad if I had been Randy, except
that I'd never have forgiven him for the name. I don't know
what to say to Red, but why don't you think of something
really clever and tell her I said it. And tell Harris he
must be one of the biggest idiots I ever met doin' that
to her, but that I'm glad he's around to look out for you
and the Bit. Only tell him no more Richards. Yech! Kinda
cute, my arse!"
Tears gathered in both their eyes. "Don't
I get a message?"
"Sure you do, but you're already wearing
it round your neck, 'cos it's so important I had to make
sure you couldn't forget. It's a message for Li'l Bit as
well 'cos what it says on the back goes for the people in
the pictures as well as the one I gave it to."
"It's almost time you were going. Here's
that key. And that's something for you to read when you're
somewhere that isn't here. Call it a down payment on your
first letter."
He kissed her one last time and then took
the hand that wasn't full of keys and notes and led her
to the room door. "Remember, as long as I'm still walking
this earth, I'll find a way to get back to you." Somehow
neither of them could find the same comfort in the words
that they might have done a day earlier. He watched from
the shadow of the doorway until the SUV disappeared from
view.
Buffy drove several miles back toward home
before she stopped and opened the note written on the motel's
notepaper.
Hello,
love, this is just a little something that seemed appropriate.
I hope you can understand it because it's the best part
of a century older than me and worse than that it's written
in Scots dialect, but it pretty much says what I want.
As
fair thou art, my bonie lass,
So
deep in luve am I;
And
I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till
a' the seas gang dry.
Till
a' the seas gang dry, my dear,
And
the rocks melt wi' the sun;
And
I will luve thee still, my dear,
While
the sands o' life shall run. [or in my case till the running
sands are my ashes in the wind]
And
fare-thee-weel, my only Luve!
And
fare-thee-weel, a while!
And
I will come again, my Luve,
Tho'
'twere ten thousand mile!
I
love you.
William.
PS
I skipped the first verse because it was just too twee.
Buffy waited for her vision to clear before
she pulled back onto the road.
(The poem quoted above
is A Red, Red Rose by Robert Burns, 1794)
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