Spoilers:
So far story started just prior to "As You Were" and has
gone from there to the end of "Hell's Bells". It is now
about to go AU, so basically "Normal Again" hasn't happened
and won't.
Disclaimer: #1
Spike: Right,
so, this bloke Joss Whedon, the one who made us up... You
say it's his fault that you've been a right royal bitch
for the last year?
Buffy: Well,
him, and the people at Mutant Enemy, and the UPN guys and
whoever else threw enough money at them.
Spike: But if
we use your logic, then the only reason I'm me is 'cos of
them too.
Buffy: Well...
duh.
Spike: But who
would create the masterpiece that is me, and then put me
in a situation like... well, where we are. I mean, I know
it's supposed to be a Hellmouth, but it's still California.
We should get to have some fun.
Buffy: Mmh. Conceited
much?
Spike: (Eyebrow
raised) Well even that Joss bloke said I was the best you'd
ever had.
Buffy: No, he
just made you think you were the best I'd ever had.
Spike: Look me
straight in the eye and deny it, Slayer!
Buffy: (Blushing)
N-n-No! R-R-Riley was... (desperate) A-Angel?
Spike: Did you
know you stutter when you lie?... Bad little girls who tell
lies have to beg forgiveness. I think it's time you had
a nice long Spike refresher course so you can see the error
of your ways.
Buffy: No. Joss
says I'm not allowed to do that with you any more. I'm a
good little martyr now. Besides, the actress that plays me
costs too much for them to keep having her take her clothes
off. Your actor's cheap.
Spike: That would explain why I suddenly went from sleeping with all my clothes
on in series 4 to being bollock naked most of the time.
(leading Buffy off by the hand towards the nearest thing
which could be remotely described as cover) But this isn't
the TV show; this is just a story, so we don't need your
actress, and that Joss bloke'll never know, well, not if
you can keep the volume down a bit...
Dedication: To Sarr Chasm : Of course
repeat reviews aren't a nuisance. How else do I know that
anybody read past Chapter 3?
Author's Note: This was my first attempt
at FanFic, in fact it was the first time I'd written anything
in about fifteen years. When it was posted originally it was completely unbeta-ed, but I and t_geyer, my beta of the past four years, are going to try to touch it up a little now that some kind person has nominated it at one of the award sites... Hopefully, we'll get it finished before the judges get to it.
Chapter 8
As soon as they were clear of the reception
hall, Spike regretted his curtness. "I'm sorry, pet." He
patted down his pockets until he found his lighter and cigarettes.
"I guess it's just too soon for me and her to be in the
same room." He drew deeply on his cigarette as soon as it
was lit, then exhaled in a long white sigh. "Come on, I'll
take you back to the motel and you can sort out with your
sis what you want to do for the rest of the day."
The ride back to the beach was uncomfortably
quiet; the loudest sounds the pounding of the rain on the
car roof and the rhythmic squeak of the windscreen wipers.
When the car pulled up at their destination Spike made a
final effort. "I'll just go get changed. Have a chat with
your sister.
Hanging around the beach isn't going to
be up to much in this weather. There's one halfway decent
club in town if you fancy going tonight. There'll probably
be a live band on, but to be honest it won't be up to much
compared with the choice you'd have in LA. So it's up to
you whether you try to stick it out and see if you can get
some decent weather tomorrow morning or go back to LA now
and you can hit the Strip tonight.
Just give me a knock when you've worked
out what you fancy doin'"
He got out of the car and walked round
it, shoulders slumped, to his room. When he reached the
door he turned back to where the girl was struggling with
her door key. He made an obvious effort to come up with
a half-smile. "Don't worry, I promise not to spend too long
being a misery guts and if you two want to go out alone
that's fine too."
He opened his door and once he was in sort
of fell against it to shut it, leaning there for several
seconds before starting to strip off his rain soaked clothing.
Once he was naked he decided he might as well have a shower
while he had the chance because once he took the girls back
to LA he really should either get back to the crypt or find
himself somewhere new to call home. He stood under the steaming
hot spray, water running down his body and tried to wash
the feeling of numb helplessness out of his system with
lemon scented shower gel. He was surprised by the extent
to which it worked. By the time he left the shower cubicle
he certainly wasn't full of the joys of spring but the numb
feeling had gone and he felt able to poke fun at himself
for moping around. He was still dressed just in a towel;
cigarette dangling from his lips in a Bogartesque fashion
when there was a knock at his room door.
"C'm'in!" he called through the cigarette.
"Hi!" It was the second sister. "Jane's
just finishing up packing. We decided that it probably wasn't
worth hanging round on the off-chance of better weather,
so if you don't mind driving back up this afternoon we might
as well head for home."
"Sure, give me ten minutes, and we can
hit the road."
The trip back to LA was amicable enough,
but the group just couldn't seem to recapture the exuberance
of the drive to Sunnydale, and Spike didn't have the heart
to prolong the evening when he dropped the women off at
Jane's home.
He did a U-turn outside the apartment block
and headed back to the Hellmouth. It seemed to him that
if the slayer and her groupies were otherwise occupied for
the evening, then it just meant all the more for him to
do.
When he finally made it back to his motel
room for the night, he had a black eye and a couple of cracked
ribs. However a spot of therapeutic violence had at least
taken his mind off things for a time and he fell into a
deep sleep almost as soon as he collapsed on the bed still
fully clothed.
The next morning dawned equally dull and
overcast and Spike packed his things back into the car,
deciding it was time to check out of the motel and see what
if anything could be salvaged of his former home. He also
decided it was time he tried to make a start on sorting
things out with Buffy. Making the decision of course didn't
make it any easier to take the first step, and he actually
cleared a fair amount of rubble from his crypt to the tunnels
which ran underneath before he willed himself into make
the phone call he'd been dreading.
"Hello. Summers residence." The voice was
Dawn's, but the tone was more subdued than he had expected.
"Hey, Niblet. You don't sound so good this
morning. You didn't overdo the champagne did you?"
"You don't know? Xander did a disappearing
act. The wedding never happened... Spike?"
"Sorry, pet. You actually did the impossible
and stunned me into silence. Seems like the guy just threw
away the only thing he had going for him. How's Anya?"
"Total wipe-out. She was just sort of left
stranded in the wreckage of the whole thing, and she didn't
want any of us to stay with her. She was so happy and then
it was all cut out from under her."
"Yeah?" 'Been there. Done that.'
"Anyway, I was actually calling to see if your sister was
about." 'Just to see if you can give her the chance to
do the same again.' "Maybe now's not a good time."
"I'll give her a shout. BUFFY... PHONE."
He could hear Buffy's muffled reply in
the background. "Is it Anya or Xander?"
"Spike"
"Oh", Spike could hear the disappointment
in her voice. He desperately wanted to hang up but knew
he couldn't.
"Hello, Spike."
"Sorry to be a disappointment."
Buffy sighed. "It's just a bad time..."
"Lately it doesn't seem like there are
any good ones."
"So what's the problem, some nasty get
a piece of the Big Bad?"
"Actually, yeah, but I didn't think you'd
care. I'd like to meet up at the Bronze or one of the coffee
places sometime in the next couple of days. I wa—"
He heard her make a sharp intake of breath
when he said she wouldn't care, and knew he'd made a mistake,
which would probably set the tone of the remaining conversation.
"I wouldn't meet you when... That just
sounds too much like a date."
"Bloody Hell, woman! It's an appointment,
not a date. You don't want me at the house. I can't have
you at the crypt. I need to talk to you about Dawn and I
thought somewhere public would be best."
"And that's all you want to talk about?"
"No, it's not bloody well all I want
to talk about. You march into... well, less said about that
the better, but you come in with everything you want to
say all prepared, and you're gone before a guy can get his
head straight. Yeah, I've got some stuff I want to say,
but the only thing I need to talk to you about is
Dawn. Okay?"
"Why don't I just come to your place?"
"Because..." Spike hesitated torn between
telling her the truth, that he didn't know if it was safe
there, and just telling her she wasn't welcome. He smiled
a sly smile. "You just can't. Right. I don't want any of
you round here. Not you, not the munchkin, nobody."
"Spike. You say things like that and it
just makes me more determined to come over and see what
you're hiding."
"If you do, you won't find much different
from how you left it, except the dead bits smell a lot worse.
Look, you must have a key for the magic
shop so you can use the training room when it's shut, so
how about I take the tunnels and meet you there. If you
don't like what I have to say, go ahead, poke around. It's
not like you could make the place any worse. But if you
must I'll take you through the tunnels so no one sees you.
Be there in a bit... love." Spike switched off his phone,
and headed out through the tunnels, singing quietly to himself
as he went.
"Spike? SPIKE?" Buffy slammed down the
receiver. If it had been anyone else she would probably
have used *69 but it never even occurred to her that Spike
might have his own phone. She just assumed it was a call
box. So she was left with three options. She ignored him,
which would put him in a mood, and mean that there was more
of a chance that things would get physical when they did
meet, or possibly prompt him to come to the house. She could
go to his crypt and have a look to see what he was trying
to hide, but then what was it Tara had said about him lying?
So, she abandoned her pyjamas and got ready to go out. She
deliberately picked out some baggy sweats. If she went to
the shop she night as well train. Then she cursed herself
as she realised how much care she'd taken over her hair
and make-up. She made her way to the magic shop, muttering
under her breath.
When she got there, she looked through
the window before she approached the door. Spike was behind
the counter. She watched as he tilted the cash register
back exposing its underside. He seemed to feel for a catch
or something, then the till drawer popped open. Knowing
that Anya emptied the register every night, she watched
to see his face at finding the drawer empty. She was more
than a little surprised when he took a piece of paper from
the counter wrapped it around something he took from his
pocket and put it in the drawer before closing it. It was
only then that she remembered what Tara had said about spell
ingredients. She wondered what it meant that she was always
prepared to think the worst of him. He moved out from the
counter to take a seat on the stairs leading down from the
loft area. Buffy waited outside the door for a few minutes
before she entered the shop.
"You know Anya doesn't like you smoking
in here."
"I haven't set fire to anything, yet, and
I doubt she's going to be in here tomorrow like it's business
as usual. It doesn't work that way when someone you care
about ditches you like last week's trash." He sighed. "Sorry.
I hoped that we could manage a proper conversation, and
then it's me that goes off it at the first thing you say.
Can we start again?"
She half smiled. "Hi, Spike."
"Hi, pet. D'you mind if we talk about the
Niblet first? That way if we can't keep our tempers under
control then we've at least sorted out the stuff about her."
"Okay, why don't you want her around your
crypt?"
"Same reason I don't want you or anybody
else there, and that's all to do with what I want to leave
till later, pet. What I want to talk to you about is that
muck up at your birthday party. Dawn's spending too much
time fending for herself." When he saw her look he proceeded
quickly before she could interrupt. "I know you can't help
most of it. You have things that have to be done. What I'm
getting at is I'd like to be there for her more. When you
were... indisposed I was round there practically every day.
I miss her and I know she misses me. You said the other
night you wouldn't betray her by letting me in the house.
She sees it a bit different. She noticed the fag ends. She
feels betrayed because I wait outside for you rather than
going in and spending time with her."
"I'm not having you hanging round the house
all the time."
"The way things are, love, it's the last
thing I want. I told you months ago that I can't do the
friend bit. I meant it. My original plan was to see if she
could come straight to mine from school and I could help
her with her homework and stuff, maybe get her... Anyway
that idea's no good any more, but maybe a couple of nights
a week I could take her out to a movie or something. Sort
out some sort of regular thing so she knows where she stands,
or at least regular when I get back."
"Well I must admit I preferred the idea
of helping her with homework to the idea of the two of you
in a cinema."
"Hey, you make that sound as if... You
know there's only one Summers I'm interested in like that."
"Why don't you come to our place, you could
leave when I get in from work."
"Can't. It has to be public, the busier
the better."
"What's all this about? Why not here? You
can use the tunnels and it's near the school, and you can
walk her back when it's time."
Spike considered. "I think it's workable.
If I take her out through the tunnels it should do."
"Tell me what on earth has got you this
paranoid?"
"Didn't anybody ever tell you that
it's not paranoia if they really are out to get you?" Spike
smirked, unable to resist taunting her.
"Just spill. I've had enough of the pre-show."
"Okay, but only if you promise to think
seriously about the two of us while I'm away."
"There is no two of us. I told you that.
Why can't you take no for an answer?" She looked frustrated
and almost tearful.
Spike reached out and took her chin in
his hand, forcing her to look into his eyes. He let his
feelings show there. "'Cos I love you, Slayer, and I've
thought through where things went wrong before and I think
if we made a fresh start we could do it right this time.
I know you don't love me, but I think if
you let yourself get to know me, I think you could. I want
a chance to start over totally fresh, just start by having
coffee, or going to a movie, or going to see a band at the
Bronze. I want to learn all the little things like what
your favourite movie is and whether you like your popcorn
sweet or salty.
I want to walk you home after a date and
share a goodnight kiss on the doorstep. I want to go back
to the beginning and get everything in the right order,
starting with making it common knowledge we're dating, so
that next year I'm not still carrying your birthday present
round with me a month after its been and gone."
"Spike, I can't, there's just no way."
"Think of this, Slayer. I love you. I want
you to be happy even if it means I'm miserable. If I thought
you'd be happier alone or with someone else then I would
stay the hell away from you, but I happen to believe that,
warped as it may seem, we're meant to be together. Until
your ex turned up the other night I thought you might believe
it as well.
If you're prepared to think through what
I'm going to tell you with an open mind and give what we
could have a chance then fine. If you've already decided
I'm too much of a monster for you to ever love and I've
decided we can't be friends then we haven't got anything
else to say to each other. You can either stay the hell
out of my life or stake me now. It's up to you, love, but
be aware as long as I'm still walking the earth, I'm coming
back to Sunnydale, and I'm staying as long as Dawn's here.
I won't go away like the others and make it easy for you
to forget me. And every time we run into each other you'll
wonder whether you were so scared of what other people think
that you rejected the only man who loved you for everything
you are. You'll always wonder what might have happened if
you had taken the risk."
He released his hold on her chin.
"It's up to you, love."
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